Damn You Cursed Hamstring!

Defence collapsing the moment pressure is applied. Young players out of their depth. Keeper all over the place. Powerless manager with no idea how to respond.  Don’t know who that could possibly describe. Oh hang on, it was us, the last time we played Stoke at the Britannia.

It seems a whole world away now, so much so that I had to double-check the

Bale takes the field against Stoke last season

facts. This was the absolute nadir of our season with a comically, criminally awful performance. We began well enough but then Bale, all wide-eyed and ruddy cheeked innocence in the face of the physical onslaught, desperately stretched to redeem an error. Mistimed rather than malicious, he tried hard, too hard. He was dismissed and Stoke scored from the penalty. We looked promising for a while with ten men and equalised, then came the long throws and the crosses and the lightweight midfield were blown away in the wind. Gomes flapped and danced, then injured Corluka as he came out, the Croatian being stretchered off. Outplayed by Stoke, derided by their gleeful fans, down to ten men, bottom of the league, could it be worse. Well yes – we finished with nine men after Dawson was also sent off. But we had the last laugh over those Stoke fans, oh yes. They sang ‘you’ll be sacked in the morning’ but actually he lasted another 6 days! That showed them….

If anyone doubts our progress under Redknapp, just read the last couple of paragraphs. This appalling defeat will in hindsight be seen as the turning point. Having spent a fortune on getting his man, Levy and Commolli then left him high and dry with a squad ill-equipped for the rigours of the Premier League. Stoke’s steamrollering of our midfield flattened any hopes of a recovery. Levy took drastic action and it’s been pretty good since then. What’s that aitch, something about two points from eight games? Give it a rest why don’t you.

The problems after Christmas this season was the first blip since then but just as we’ve recovered, along comes an injury crisis that could really do for us. Here’s a team: Cudicini, Walker, King, Woodgate, Lennon, Bentley, Jenas, Huddlestone, Rose, Defoe – add a left back and we’ll take on all comers, except that they are all injured. The news of Defoe’s’ hamstring is a bitter blow. We can reorganise – Pav and Crouch have done well enough when they have been on the pitch together lately and Crouch is staying tighter to the rest of the team, therefore he’s not isolated. However, this is the time when we want to be at our very best. We’ve become used to managing without Led and Woody, although I have been grieving over them this week. Take a moment to reflect on just how good those two are.

But in adversity were sown the seeds of recovery. Gomes was brave, playing with damaged ribs, and he has come through that ordeal to become one of the best keepers in the league. Bale and Dawson went away, chastened, and once the wait was over have made magnificent use of their opportunities.

A win will be hard to achieve but that’s the target. It’s not a must win match at this stage of the season blah blah cliché blah but however tough it will be against Stoke, there’s Chelsea, Arsenal, City and United to come. Stoke are well drilled at the back and in Shawcross have a fine centre back. It’s not just their workrate: they move with direction and purpose to support the man on the ball and get it forward quickly without resorting to kick and rush. We must employ our passing game. At home they must come out more than they did at the Lane, but as we press we must recall that game and the sucker punch that did for us. Do what we do well and we can win.

Inter, Contracts and Graffiti. It Fits Somehow.

On Tuesday, I made a point of wishing good luck to all the Inter Milan fans clustering around Parliament. Not the big bloke with the twitch and the staring eyes, obviously. Big Ben, Westminster Abbey then Fulham Broadway. ‘All England wants you to win’, I shouted at one point. The group’s puzzled looks turned to smiles as someone translated. That might have been going a bit far, mind.

Watching later with some degree of satisfaction, I gasped at Schneider’s skills as if he were one of our own. No wonder he wasn’t interested in us when his name was mooted as a possible target, if he can play for a team as good as Inter were. I had to chuckle at Andy Gray’s comment that when Chelsea were up against it in the second half (make that – outplayed totally), ‘fans of the Premiership’ would be disappointed. The pundits really have absolutely no idea about the fans, do they. Motson said something similar a few years ago, invoking some crazy notion of London supporters solidarity when Arsenal were in the Cup Final, but he’s been going soft for a while now so it didn’t count.

I empathised with the joy of the Inter fans in their corner as Eto’o preened and posed in front of them like a model on the catwalk. Maybe I met you earlier in the day, that good luck wish worked, huh. Maybe they’ll take back to Milan the story of the mad Englishman who wanted them to win. Maybe even now it’s on a blog in Italian. Or maybe not.

Their support was in stark contrast to the home fans. I checked the TV to see if it ha switched to mute by mistake. New Chelsea don’t get it – part of being a fan is that if your team are down, you get behind them. The old school Chelsea supporters have been through more bad times than good in all honesty but it is a sobering thought that a whole generation of fans know nothing but success. You could have watched that team at home for the best part of a decade and never seen them outplayed as they were yesterday. Money and success has transformed the experience of being a football fan. An intrinsic element has been lost, of solidarity in adversity. They simply did not know what to do.

Enough of this. Back to the Lane and Huddlestone has signed a contract to take him through to 2015. Levy has done well to offer extended contracts with, presumably, better terms, to young players like Lennon before the vultures start to circle in earnest. It gives a positive message that they are wanted and they respond well, unlike a player such as Wright Phillips who was appalled recently at being offered ‘only’ £70k a week, bless him the poor little solider.

Hud deserves it. Harry tried several permutations in centre midfield, then opted early on this season to start him regularly, and the big boned one has taken his chance whereas Jenas did not. He can drift around in an infuriatingly lackadaisical manner at times but this is gradually disappearing from his game and his passing and general availability is important to us. He was missed straight away when he got injured a few weeks ago and still is. There’s more to come; he does not have an instinctive grasp of positioning and his anticipation requires a bit of polishing. He learns slowly but when he grasps that the first yard is in the head, he will be a real force.

He’s repaid his manager’s faith in him but sadly it does not guarantee that he will be around for the next five years. These days contracts are as much if not more about securing the value of the player should he be sold than keeping him at a club. Still, for the present he’s ahppy and once again Levy has done well for THFC on and off the pitch.

Finally, on my way home I spotted a reminder, once common but now extremely rare, of being a football fan in the old days. Next to the railway outside London Bridge, deep in the Millwall heartlands, someone has painted the letters ‘T H F C’. Not a tag and certainly not spray-painted street art, just that simple inscription, created with an ordinary paint brush.

Graffiti was run of the mill in the seventies and eighties. Fans would furtively visit all parts of the city in the dead of night, struggling to conceal a 5 litre tin of Dulux under their crombies or donkey jackets and daub their colours here and there. Usually it was simple initials, sometimes a more complex message, typically involving some threat of violence. ‘Spurs rule OK’ or some such. In those times, arriving at the Lane you would be met with freshly inscribed messages of welcome from the opposition, displaying a marked absence of fan solidarity and sometimes some nasty stuff about yids.

When we played Millwall in their season in the First Division, approaching the old Den we were funnelled under a railway bridge and greeted with the slogan ‘Turn Back or Die’. Given the frantic expectation surrounding this rivalry, the scrap yards and barbed wire around us plus their fearsome reputation, unfortunately there was an element of truth to it, a bit like a government health warning. Some graffiti was more benevolent: for many years the environment in Tottenham was improved in some way, I feel, by the burst of creativity that resulted in the painted words, ‘Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog’s dead’. No, I have no idea either.

These surreal outpourings have great appeal. Nothing to do with football, so far as I am aware, but Richmond had ‘Cats Like Plain Crisps’, Deptford the plea from a tortured artist in the midst of bleak council blocks, ‘Give Me Canvas’, whilst only recently has the legend ‘Big Dave’s Gusset’ fallen victim to the building work outside London Bridge.

Any more examples of football graffiti? I’ll put them up on a page if we have enough.

Monday Meanderings

Always on top but never entirely comfortable. Our main goalscorer notches two but has a mare. The pressure’s on for the top four but we’re not morning people. Just mere Monday meanderings on my mind…

That’s not  a completely accurate summary of Spurs against Blackburn but it was a bit of an odd one. We played some decent football without ever displaying a sense of urgency that should have accompanied this crucial home game. Every match is crucial from now until the end of the season but with a difficult run of games fast approaching on the horizon, if we can’t put Blackburn away then we are nothing and nowhere. I thought we would come out with all guns blazing but  we never stamped our authority on the game. Partly this was down to our opponents’ organisation but we could have been more pro-active and better teams would have made us pay by taking one of those first chances, or indeed a better ref could have given a penalty when Dunn went over. The lethargy with which we began crept back into our play as the second half went on, and after Samba scored I feared that we would not be able to lift ourselves out of that torpor, but Bale and Pav came to the rescue after a few unnecessary scares. At least that bit was completely normal – for a Spurs performance that is.

Palacios had another excellent game, curbing his instincts to fly in and to get forward on behalf of the team. By staying back he allows Modric the freedom he requires. Also, his ability to make good choices has been improved by the pressure of the nine bookings. Remaining on his feet is more of an imperative now and he looks all the better for it. Our tally of free kicks near our box has dropped too. You could see the anxiety, though – at one point he fouled and Webb thought about it but Daws dashed up to wag a single finger in the ref’s face, reminding him that this was his first foul (which it wasn’t but Daws’ problems with maths suited us at that moment). A few wayward passes when he lost concentration during the middle of the second half, but WP pulled his game together again and he is back to his best.

Kranjcar should have come in from the wing more frequently, as Modric does when he plays on the left. He did more of this in the second half, presumably under instructions, but although he did reasonably well, in a tight midfield he could have looked for the ball more assertively, as well as getting into shooting positions in and around the box.

No matter – who needs tactics when we have Gareth Bale. Just give to him, lads, so runs the pre-match team talk. He’s fast becoming a magnificent sight, flying down the wing. He’s a big bloke – the coaches have put some muscle on him – and a fearsome prospect for any defender as he gets into his stride. Salgado is experienced but, um, past his best shall we say. On the Spanish football as a pundit, I swear he was still twitching. As Daws found him with a series of sizzling balls that Bale brought down with the nonchalance of a Sunday morning park kick about, Bale repeatedly rampaged down the wing, causing mayhem. Given Sam’s reputation for organisation, I don’t understand why he didn’t put two men on Bale, especially as the right midfielder, Emerton, often plays at full back. Perhaps he didn’t want to stretch the rest of the team.Who cares – we have a world class prospect on our hands. Keep hanging around at the end of the game, Gareth my son, you’re a big ham to milk the applause but you deserve it, down to the last clap.

I’m tempted to ask if any Spurs player has ever scored so many goals and played so poorly, but that is a little unfair. I also know the real answer, having seen Clive Allen play a first half (against Norwich I think…) when he had about as much co-ordination as Bambi on drugs, then he scored a hat-rick. Pav’s technique deserted him on Saturday. He completely shanked two left footers as they came to him, one in each half which could have been crucial misses, and the ball largely refused to stay close to his body when it was pushed to him. However, even off form his running creates space up front and he often made room for himself, whereas Crouch is either too static or easy to pick up as he lumbers around, bless him. No technique required with his first, as rather than take it on he blasted it straight at Blackburns’ ‘fat Tim Howard’, or rather straight under him.  I would like to see Pav, JD and at least one midfielder hammer into the area towards the 6 yard box when the ball comes over. One or two hanging back is fine but too many take the easy option. Bale’s crossing would become even more dangerous with bodies at front and back post, as well as in the centre.

Dawson had another good game. Tightening up the back after those early chances, he’s mighty in the box, tackles and blocks in an old-style ‘they shall not pass’ kind of centre half, the days when men were men and centre halves were centre halves because they were big, slow and couldn’t pass. Those were the days. Etc.

Howard Webb, he’s not keen on us, is he? The Bale pen was one where you think that FIFA must have changed the rules overnight and you didn’t hear about it. He’s not biased against us, he’s just a poor ref now. It gives me no pleasure to say this. Last year he seemed to get many of the big games and it was a relief to see that we had a ref who was up to the job. English football is worse off because of his failings. He seems to be suffering from an inflated sense of his own self-importance. He’s the big man on the spot to take the big decisions – in his own mind. Instead he should calmly rely on the evidence of his own eyes and just let it flow from there. It’s not about who he is or the occasion. It’s about a ball.

Reading this back, don’t want it to come over as too much of a whinge. We deserved to win and were the better team. Things should have been easier towards the end but that’s not our way. Harry should have brought Kaboul on as DM, dropping back into the box to combat those long balls that Blackburn regularly launched in search of an equaliser, but that would have been too easy. Despite not being at our best, we were too good for our opponents.

Paul Gascoigne and the Ultimate Taboo

Gazza on my mind this week. No real reason. A home tie to take us to Wembley, can’t complain about the semi-final draw and Liverpool’s ability to find a banana skin more often than Charlie Chaplin have all contributed to a sense of ease and relaxation. So the mind wanders back to past glories, and in modern times there are few more glorious than Paul Gascoigne. And as is the way with these things, I’ve not been looking but Gazza has found me, with a great story from Daveyboy in the comments section of my last article, Morris Keston gives him a mention on twitter and then there he is in the book I’m reading.

A Man Who Looks Like Danny Baker. From the Site http://menwholooklikedannybaker.com. You Couldn't Make It Up

I’ve been a big fan of Danny Baker for many years. Not quite in the league of Kennedy’s assassination or Princess Di’s death but I vividly recall the first time I heard his radio show. On a bleary eyed Saturday morning, making breakfast for the kids, wife at work and no chance of football, the mindless banality of Capital Radio would provide scant diversion from the drudgery of breakfast and the washing up, but it was the best I could come up with. Turning the dial, Robert Cray’s upbeat blues ‘Smoking Gun’ ripped from the radio and I hung around to see who on earth was playing this stuff. From then I’ve followed the fabulous Baker boy around the airwaves. Many times I’ve had to pull over because I’ve been laughing so much but his sense of the absurd and relaxed freeflowing presentation masks an effortless mastery of the medium of radio. Now he’s back at 606, a show he originated and was then dismissed from because he not entirely seriously suggested that aggrieved fans may wish to beat a path to the door of a certain referee. In reality this was the excuse because it was clear his face didn’t fit – on 606 he wanted to talk about things other than Fergie’s latest press conference or whether that was a penalty after 37 replays. Like things you had confiscated at the turnstiles or unusual places to play football.

His knockabout style and apparent lack of a coherent career plan (at BBC London he works on a handshake rather than a contract) hides his status as an insightful and shrewd observer of popular culture, especially football and pop music. His 2 hours on BBC London on the day after Michael Jackson’s death, where without a script he reminiscenced around his time in LA before, during and after his NME interview with Jackson back in the 80s, the last major independent interview with him, was touching, funny and honest, and said more about Jackson than the sum of all the tosh that overwhelmed the media for weeks after.

His latest book  Baker and Kelly – Classic Football Debates, written with Paxton Road stalwart Danny Kelly, was certain to find its way into my Christmas stocking. Someone would put two and two together as they wandered round the bookshop ten minutes before closing on December 24th, when Waterstones is jam packed with desperate punters scooping up any offering that possessed a connection with loved ones for whom they could not think of anything that they would really want. It’s a bit like the aunt who every year gives you the latest Westlife album, because one Saturday round at hers, squirming with embarrassment at Celebrity Idol Factor on Ice, your morale squashed as flat as a Kraft cheese slice run over by a steamroller, you thought it would keep everyone happy by saying that parts of the chorus were ‘quite nice’. Quite nice. How inoffensive and non-committal is that. It implies that your nervous system was closed down totally save for a pulse sufficient to lift one eyelash a fraction of a millimetre. But to your aunt, it indicates undying appreciation of their irish might, to be rewarded each and every Christmas with their latest offering.

The only question with the Baker and Kelly book was not if I would receive one but how many. In the event, it was only a single copy (but four THFC 2010 calendars….). It’s a largely disappointing effort, an erratic mix of funny anecdotes, rehashed phone-in material that does not translate well to the page and fillers, all of which stinks of money for old rope. Even the print is spread wide apart so as to reach the end of the 300 pages without undue effort. But there are several gems, one of which is an eye-witness account of Gazza’s infamous spree in London. Stuck in traffic, Gazza cannot sit still so he jumps out the cab and commandeers a London bus, complete with passengers, which he then drives round the Marble Arch roundabout. Leaping out, he spots some workmen and while he cadges a fag, digs a hole in the road with a pneumatic drill. Baker and friend Chris Evans look on as he reaches their destination, a media awards ceremony to which he had not been invited, via a Bentley that he flagged down at the lights – the elderly couple in the back were only too glad to help. This was front page news at the time, with Gazza and his drinking pals both celebrated and simultaneously castigated by the tabloids in the ways that only they know.

Baker maintains that they were not drunk but the redtops were determined to imply otherwise. The bottles in the photo (not from the book) are water but that’s

Baker, Evans and a Mystery Man in Disguise

not the story that the tabs want. But the most touching element of this story is the public’s reaction to Gazza – everybody loved him. People from different backgrounds felt good just to see him. They cheered him wherever he went, went along with his fun (and it was all fun to him) and he made them feel better. Everyone felt they knew him, sharing jokes, shouting hallo, wishing him well. For his part, he could talk to anyone and stopped to give them all the time of day. No PR, no manufactured celebrity status, just Gazza.

Gascoigne was loved by the people, genuinely and unashamedly so, in a manner that may never be repeated. Pre-Sky, this was a time when players were not so tainted by their riches as they are now, separated and aloof from their fans. If Rooney wins us the World Cup, he would  not be able to set foot outside the front door without a phalanx of bodyguards and PR people, and the sad thing is, he may not wish to.

Baker’s affectionate tribute to his friend opens our eyes to one side of his personality but obscures another, the demons that have driven him to the bottom of the deepest abyss. He touches upon the reasons driving Gascoigne on, his restlessness, the need to fight off a boredom that would engulf him when, finally, there were no more highs to sustain him: “The brighter his star shone the more its inevitable collapse into a black hole haunted him.”

It’s a powerful image of impending doom touching even the most exciting crazy moments but it does not look the real problem in the face: Paul Gascoigne suffers from a serious mental health problem. This is not criticism of the man, how can it be, it’s an illness, nor does it belittle any of his achievements on the pitch. If anything it makes them even more miraculous, given that they were performed under such duress. Gascoigne according to his autobiography was a restless, distracted and hyperactive child whose obsessive behaviour was under control but manifested itself later in life as the pressure eroded his coping mechanisms. He saw a therapist of some sort once as a child but never returned. Baker remarks on how Gazza was constantly talking and narrating his day, reminding himself of what was happening to him as a  means of calming himself down.

Gascoigne MOTD2, 2009, in Optimistic Mood

Later, when football no longer sustained him, the drinking, depression and self-abuse took hold. The week long drinking binges by messrs Baker, Evans and Gascoigne are a myth, says Danny, and the London escapade ended with Gazza on Baker’s sofa, chatting with the family as they watched TV. However, he was supposed to be in his log cabin in the remote Scottish hills, which was the bolt hole and place of safety that his manager at the time, Walter Smith, had sorted out. Now we see a pallid and broken man, going through the motions and blank behind the eyes, struggling to rehabilitate himself.

Danny Baker has written an eloquent and insightful piece about the Gazza he knows, which says so much about the man and yet skirts round the one unmentionable in modern football. Sex, alcohol, drugs and infidelity are all open to debate, but one subject remains taboo: mental health. We can’t talk about it. The man suffers, yet he’s given offers to manage a football team or to get back into coaching, or to be a TV celebrity. I heard a rumour that he was going into Celebrity Big Brother and I swear I would have chucked in my job and set up a protest camp outside the studios. We fear mental health problems but they are just that, health problems. Let’s have some honesty about the pressures of modern football and talk more openly about their effect on vulnerable people.  Show compassion to sufferers and offer sympathy and treatment. Above all, give them realism – don’t ask too much. The people around Gazza need to look after him.  Gazza made us happy, now let’s care for him. A true Tottenham great, we owe him.

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