Yesterday was a good day. After 48 hours of concerted fan protest around the country, the only competition left for the rats was who could be first to leave the sinking ship. It was a joy to behold.

Less a campaign – there wasn’t time to organise – more an outcry, supporters rose above the tribalism that the football powers bank on to undermine fan solidarity to discover and express a common interest. You and I have lived through and been part of an historic moment in English football. Nothing like this has ever happened before, where fans united in dissent to alter the direction of the game itself. That’s not an exaggeration while I am still high on exaltation. History is being written as I type. English fans just do not behave like this.

There will be other battles. For now, we’re left to think about the implications of what this means at Tottenham. Spurs’ impudence to attach themselves to Europe’s so-called big 12 was widely derided, but please pay attention at the back, we are 10^th and rising in the league table that mattered, the Deloitte’s European club rich list. Levy wasn’t hanging on anyone’s coattails, he was there from the early days. It was City and Chelsea who came on board late (which made it easier for them to jump off) because they have other sources of income. Levy made sure he had a seat at the top table because he didn’t want to get left behind. Play the financials rather than invest in a winning side and earn status on the pitch. It’s what he does.

It was a catastrophic misjudgement. He’s left humiliated, looking like a fool, and the worst kind at that, an arrogant fool, out of touch with football and the supporters. What appears to be an astonishing, baffling miscalculation can be understood by looking at his relationship with fans. I’ve never met him, but I know many people who have, and they say he genuinely cares about the club as owner and as a fan. Yet he like many people running other clubs fails to understand what supporters want and how they wish to be treated.

I know this sounds oddly simplistic but I’ve spoken over the years to supporters’ organisations, club liaison officers and consultants involved in the game , and they all say the same thing. People who run football just don’t get it. Worse still, they think they do. They do surveys. They take feedback. They meet with the Trust. They meet with other chairs. But they don’t understand us. They avoid interaction. They may engage in dialogue, but they don’t respond. Their definition of participation does not include giving fans any power.

Levy’s callous, contemptuous approach towards me and you has been exposed. We are ‘legacy fans’, left behind in favour of the ‘fans of the future’, the wet dream of thrusting marketing professionals who see us as commodities and income sources. AI creates robots with more human emotion than these people see in us, in you and me.

Levy is telling me that a lifetime of support and profound emotional commitment is worthless. Being a Spurs fan is part of who I am. It’s not something I do on a Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. It never goes away and I don’t want it to. Family, friendships, identity all chucked out of the window so the viewing figures can go up. How many times have I written and talked about my pride in Spurs’ history and heritage? The club cuts that off in a heartbeat. It means everything to me, nothing to them.

I knew this already. We all do. Some have had enough and hung up their scarf and season ticket for the last time. I don’t blame them. But fans come to an accommodation with this cognitive dissonance. It’s a game we all play to a greater or lesser extent. For me, I tell myself that why should I give up a lifetime of support, something that has driven and sustained me for nigh on 60 years, just because of the people who run the club now.

The way I support my team is essentially no different to how it was when I began in the mid-60s, or how generations of fans have walked up and down the High Road for over 130 years. Go to the game and get behind the team. Enjoy the good times, commiserate with mates during the bad times, and see you next week. The game is the same, faster and more athletic, but in essence no different. It’s the hype and blather that has changed, so turn it off and enjoy the match.

Yes, I am a legacy fan, yes I’m proud of it and I’m not going away. An important part of that is understanding where I come from. I hope that if some good emerges from this sorry episode, it’s that fans recognise how much their club means to them. Being a supporter is not about instant gratification, it’s about being part of something much greater. We are connected. This is part of our DNA as English football fans, the connection between club and community, the ties with where our club originated, the ties that bind to other fans.

We are not a separate elite. We are part of the pyramid. I am the bloke in Madrid for the CL final, the bloke in the best stadium in Europe and the bloke having a quiet pint in the bar at Rusthall FC, going away to see Fisher FC. I support a team in the Premier League but I don’t feel any different from a loyal fan of any club in any league, and I express my support in the same way as they do. I feel closer to, say, Bury or AFC Wimbledon fans trying to save their clubs than I do to someone who goes to Spurs as a social event, has a nice meal and doesn’t care about the result. To me, there’s no them and us. That is what has made me so angry about the ESL, that it assumed we would all fall into line with exclusion and elitism.

Levy is fond of describing his role as that of a custodian, respectful of the club’s heritage. I believe he genuinely thinks that. The problem is that he does not grasp what that means or, more importantly, what he can do to nurture that heritage. He builds a stadium on the site of the old White Hart Lane, which is wonderful, and I know he is enormously proud of the ground, but only after fans protested in the surrounding streets about a move to Stratford. He wants to fill the seats but he doesn’t care who comes, as long as somebody does. He says the fans are great, then kicks us in the teeth. He thinks this is what we want. Yesterday, it was reported that he was surprised and concerned at the reaction to the proposed ESL. Like I said, he just doesn’t get it. Or maybe he does, and he just doesn’t care.

And in the immediate future, it’s we who will face the consequences, taunted and tainted by opposition fans as greedy and arrogant, even though we are not our club. Opposition fans urging their team on to take a special scalp, just as many did when football wanted Leicester to win the league in the closing stages of the 2015-16 season, therefore Spurs must be beaten along the way.

Levy also has a long-term plan for the club. He’s not going to spend recklessly on players, so we need to build over time to achieve that. Fine by me, except he has no sense of how to put this into practice either. He can’t pick a manager to lead us in the right direction or support the men he chooses. As CEO of multimillion-pound companies, he would complete due diligence on senior staff before appointing. Nothing that Mourinho came up with was unexpected. Every part of how he manages is known, as is the impact on his clubs. None of it is relevant to Levy’s heritage plan. Yet he was appointed, a huge mistake caused by Levy’s ego and poor football judgement that will cause long-term harm. He created a wedge between fans and the club. Spurs lag way behind, any momentum from previous years lost, with a daunting rebuilding task this summer. Good riddance.

This is the biggest challenge of Levy’s reign, history suggests he won’t be able to rise to it. In any other business, he’d be out the door as fast as you could say gratuitously inflated compensation package. But this is football. Even now, he’s making plans to dig in.

In the meantime, the very best of luck to Ryan Mason, Chris Powell (a long time Spurs fan) and Ledley. I’ll be smiling when they lead the team out at Wembley.

Finally, heartfelt thanks to the Tottenham Hotspur Supporters Trust, whose opposition to the ESL was passionate and constructive, implacable and coherent. With no notice whatsoever, they got it together, for Spurs and nationally too.

You may have missed it. Probably turned off the television in disgust. I don’t blame you. But as the camera panned towards the celebrating Dinamo players, it caught a fleeting close-up of Ledley King, slumped in his seat and close to tears. Ledley transcends the tactics, formations, the personnel, because he feels it, and expressed what this abject capitulation means to all of us. Fans that is, not apparently to all the players, judging by their efforts.

A full post-mortem is required. For the moment, everybody involved has to accept a measure of responsibility. But this dreadful week exposed the truth, that at the core of the club lies not a beating heart but a toxic, rotting mess.

This week, we offered two disorganised, ill-disciplined and uncommitted performances in games where our very best was required. As a team and as individuals, nobody emerges with any credit. If you’re not playing well, at least run back, a couple of hard yards to defend, beyond so many of them last night. Inexcusable. And once again, Spurs sat back rather than aim to dominate periods of play.

Lloris confirmed this during the most revealing post-match interview I can recall. Describing the defeat as a disgrace, he stated that there is no togetherness in the team, that some do not follow the manager’s instructions and that those outside the starting team are not committed.

Tottenham always on my mind, and my mind is running away along rabbit-holes of analysis and blind alleys of interpretation. One day, The Lost Blogs will surface from an unemptied recycle bin to be clandestinely circulated among the diehards, like a Dylan bootleg from ’69. A glance at social media shows the fanbase is argumentative and irritable too. For now, this is what I know.

Mourinho was never the right man for Spurs. We needed someone able to rebuild a depleted squad over time, albeit one with potential, on finite resources and little in his admirable CV suggests he could do that. Levy was dazzled by his aura and reputation.

I wanted to be proved wrong.

After nearly 18 months, Mourinho has made no significant improvements to our performances. There have been highs and lows but no upward curve.

Spurs were failing over the final months of Pochettino’s time at the club, when his messages no longer inspired a group of players who should be grateful for what he enabled them to achieve. Mourinho has failed to create anything substantial to take its place.

It is not clear what Mourinho is trying to achieve. The NLD was one of those games were we as mere fans struggle to comprehend what the manager and players are thinking. Passive from the start against opponents not known for their defensive expertise. AFC players may as well have had a police escort down our right, the way they were repeatedly allowed through. Mourinho tries out different permutations. He looks like a rookie manager feeling his way. I had a brief conversation on Twitter to this effect with journalist Seb Bloor. Someone retweeted some of our tweets as part of the conversation, except by accident these were from months ago, expressing similar frustration yet they fitted perfectly. In Seb’s words, good and bad days but overall a zero-sum situation.

The home NLD, ultra-defensive but the players were highly motivated. The contrast with last Sunday could not have been greater. The players must take some responsibility for this. There are problems, but the committed leave those in the dressing room. If this were happening at another club, you’d see it for what it is, manager and players poles apart.

Players are professionals. Give everything and fans won’t complain. Holding back is unacceptable. Play with pride, if not for the manager then the shirt, and yourself.

Mourinho staked the house on the EL and the League Cup. He was right to do so. Spurs can score goals, and so we always have a chance in cup matches. Last night was a bitter blow. The odds were in our favour and we lost.

The League Cup is worth winning in and of itself. City are favourites but it’s a two horse race. Go for it. Enjoy it. Just remember that winning the League Cup won’t change anything. It won’t heal the malaise within the club. It is meaningless in terms of the future. The League Cup is often cited as a stepping stone in the building of a winning mentality, with Guardiola the best example. Except, City went on to win the league that same year. We won’t. Pep is still at City, building and rebuilding. Mourinho doesn’t hang around that long. Pep has

The best leaders take people with them. They motivate towards a common goal that will develop individuals through collective action and responsibility. Mourinho takes some players with him but neglects those he leaves behind. At say, Chelsea or Inter, that didn’t matter as much because of the quality of those he chose. At Spurs, we can’t afford that. He has to keep those who are not his favourites onside. In the here and now, he has to develop players because Levy won’t replace the squad wholesale. We need those players because we’ve played more matches than any other top side in Europe. Judging from Hugo’s comments, there’s a rift in the group.

In the here and now, Mourinho has to improve the team but there’s little evidence he is able to do so. Over the last couple of months, he’s said the players aren’t responding to him. Again, players have to take some responsibility for that but, right now, it’s an admission he’s not getting through to them and cannot effect change. He was brought into the club to give the team a winning mentality.

I cannot see how Mourinho can stay.

I cannot see Levy dismissing him before the end of the season.

And so we end once again with Daniel Levy. There’s a huge problem embedded deep within the club that goes beyond individual players and managers. Tottenham has become a fractious, conflict-ridden and unpleasant place to be. He has to take action to fulfil our potential and safeguard the future.

I concluded my last piece with a warning of what is at stake this summer. The squad has gaps. We need better players in key positions, notably centre half and deep-lying midfield. Harry needs a back-up. Plus, several squad members are in their thirties and their best years are behind them. Now we have to also weed out those who do not want to improve and be committed to the shirt. This is a big undertaking.

At the risk of labouring the point, I believe Spurs are sleepwalking towards the cliff edge. Building and rebuilding a team is a constant process. Complacency created by 15 years of top six and more is blinding us to what is necessary to sustain this.

This has been a bad week. Sometimes, for optimistic realists like me, being in a bad place focuses the mind. I’m worried about the future. The wrong move now by Levy could set us back several years compared with rivals. Always one step up and two steps back. I want to be wrong.

Disorganised, demoralised and despondent. And that’s just me. Me, you and the players. When we speak of the bond between the team and the fans, this isn’t quite what we’re getting at.

Levy won’t dispose of Jose Mourinho as readily as he dumped his compatriot. However, the match showed Spurs as a team and a club adrift, with neither an anchor nor a course to set. The personnel and tactics change but the apathetic, erratic and error-strewn football leads to defeat in 5 out of the last 6 games. Worse, it’s hard to see what can change to improve matters.

With a nod to the pitfalls of oversimplification, players can’t pass the ball if there is no one to pass to. Yesterday’s debacle showed how easily City could isolate our players when they were on the ball. We were ponderous in getting the ball forward (at times I would have settled for sideways) and wasted potential openings because players did not work to make themselves available for the man in possession. This is not just about individuals, it’s about teamwork, and coaching.

Mourinho has been severely chastised for his negativity and lack of ambition. He’s tried to change that over the last 6 weeks, badly. If Spurs defend, we can’t attack, if we attack we can’t defend or attack. Enterprising, creative football is not just about style and infidelity to the Spurs Way, it’s about winning football. Mourinho isn’t and never was a defensive coach, but his teams could always defend, and there’s a difference that comes from organisation and transitioning into attack. Yet Spurs seldom look comfortable in possession for extended periods and we leave gaps at the back when we go forward. He knows it as well as we do but he’s struggling to find the solution.

Mourinho is a divisive figure, provoking strong opinions. With Mourinho, no one sits on the fence. Currently, the debate rages around whether this is his fault or the players aren’t good enough. Individuals are not up to scratch at the moment. Sanchez’s early promise, once our record signing I think, has stalled. His effort to prevent City’s third was slapstick worthy of Laurel and Hardy’s best work. Hugo has served us well and has come back from past dips in form, but it’s hard to escape the feeling that we’re witnessing a gradual permanent decline as a series of shots go through him and his decision-making is as weak as his wrists of chocolate. He’s the skipper – indecision flows from the six yard box and through the team. Dele and Winks have prodigious ability and zero confidence. Lucas searches for a blind alley, if not he’ll create one.

I take no pleasure in these descriptions. That’s not how I see Spurs players. They are my players. Our players. Get behind the team. If there was some way I could lift them, I would. They have to take some responsibility, but so does the manager, and he has a real problem with this. Right now, with Spurs in considerable trouble, he can’t resist shifting the blame away from him. If he talks about collective responsibility, as he should, he can’t stop himself from qualifying this with a dig at individuals and their errors.

The only solution is a collective effort, with the manager coaching and the players responding, as individuals and as a unit. For once, JM could say something bland to the media and go and sort the players out in the sanctity of the dressing room. But he feels compelled to put a distance between himself and his players.

I don’t care for him but that’s irrelevant. I care about my club and I want him to do his absolute, total best, but this is not effective leadership and it’s certainly not improving performances. The players appear unmotivated, nervous of taking risks, hiding on the field, unclear about how to lift themselves or change the way they are playing.

This is all about team building and coaching. Lloris has made errors, which he would readily acknowledge, but he has been exposed repeatedly by organisational failings. His defence could have done more to prevent Calvert Lewin charging forward, or could have reacted to Bernard’s late run, or filled the hole that Gundogan ran into, deep in our own box, and that’s just this week.

Over the last 6 or 7 games. Mourinho has changed formations. Against Liverpool and Chelsea we had different approaches with the same outcome, that the space vacated in front of the backline played to the strengths of those teams rather than nullifying them. We may come to look back at the first half against Chelsea as an era-defining lowpoint, except I fear things may get worse.

Lamela had a fine game versus West Brom, coming in from the right, Lucas in the middle of midfield and N’Dombele deeper, with space for the full-backs to get forward. This worked and it was good to enjoy a Spurs game. However, City exposed the inherent problems. Lamela comes inside, where City can easily deal with him. City don’t want to be stretched out wide, because it can create gaps and stop the work of their full-backs in attack. But we kept coming inside, which also left both our full-backs unprotected against one of the quickest attacks in the league.

He’s also constantly changing his central defenders, meaning a partnership can never develop. This isn’t solely about picking a side to deal with particular opponents, injuries or rotation. Rather, it shows he does not know what the best partnership is, and he’s been at Spurs for 15 months. Rotation works only when players are comfortable with the system and slot in and out.

This is Spurs. There’s no magic money tree, to coin a phrase. He chose a full-back, Doherty and a centre forward, Vinicius, who he clearly does not rate. This repeats his behaviour at United, where he spent a fortune on players only to tell them that they were not good enough, blaming them for errors. Sounds familiar. Players are grown-ups and professional football is hard, but creating a climate of criticism is not the way to get the best from the squad.

At any level, judge a manager by whether he gets the best from his players, and Mourinho isn’t. This comes back to the lack of fit between Spurs and Mourinho. These players are good. We know that because they played better in the past. They may not be up to the standards of their City defensive and midfield counterparts. That’s because we won’t spend money on that calibre of player. I know that, you know that, Mourinho says he knew that when he came, so therefore he has to work extra hard to develop the men he has, and he’s failing. On the contrary, he’s closed down the potential in Dele and Winks (I won’t have it that Winks is awful. He had an awful cameo against Everton but we and Mourinho know he can play better). Our former back-up keeper has been ostracised and we have Joe Hart with his dressing room inspiration and hands of jelly. A centre forward he simply will not play if Harry is fit enough to crawl onto the field. No effective back-up plan if Harry is absent.

Levy chose him, seduced by the shiny shiny trophies he won once upon a time. Mourinho is a born winner, so the story goes. He was and could be in the future, but that doesn’t mean he is right for Spurs. You hear this so frequently without analysis of how he wins. He is a man in a hurry. He has no need to put down roots at any club, no incentive to develop talent and tactics over time. Fine, that’s not what he does, but his skills are not what we need. We need someone able to revamp the squad, ease replacements into position and develop what we have already, all on a budget more limited than he is accustomed to.

This month has been a low point in Spurs recent history, with lacklustre, directionless performances brought into sharp focus by the efforts of other teams who now seem to feast on our weakness and discomfort. Even through those ultra-defensive games, I saw some signs of progress because the players responded and were motivated. Now, I’m pessimistic about the future.

In the short-term, if there was anything positive to take from yesterday, it was Dier’s determination and willingness to address recent mistake to take his fate into his own hands, a perfect attitude. Tanganga did enough to stay in the side, and Mourinho could stabilise the defence, using our forwards without resorting to early season negativity. And trying to be positive, all is not lost. Maybe the Europa League is a chance to build again, plus, this year’s league means any resurgence could see us moving up again.

Convince me otherwise but I can’t escape a sinking feeling about the future. Here’s a plausible summer scenario. Spurs need not a refurb but a major rebuild. Some players are disaffected, others not good enough, others past their best – Hart, Sissoko, Toby, Hugo, Bale are all in their thirties. In addition, we need different types of player, like other midfielders able to both defend and get the ball forward. Young players have promise (Skipp, Rodon, White, Scarlett later but not yet) but need more time.

Levy is not keen to spend. This is reality not parsimony, because we have the stadium debt, no crowds, no hospitality income. Our manager isn’t committed to this longer-term strategy. More disruption. Players don’t want to come to us because we’re not in the CL or in Europe, and/or Spurs are no longer the attractive step up that we were until recently. And I dare not think about Son’s and Harry’s future plans. I write a series of blogs until 2025 about how we’ve thrown it all away, then collapse in a gibbering heap on the East Stand concourse. Tell me that couldn’t happen.

January 1^st

New Year is a time for traditions and this household is no exception. Once more, I welcomed in the New Year by dozing off in front of Jools Holland. Unfair on Jools this year, when his band seemed to swing with more vigour and soulfulness than ever before. It’s not live but it was the closest we’ll get to live music for a while yet, and it felt good.

A quick glance at twitter on the way to bed. The first tweet I see in 2021 is from my friend Adam Nathan, reminding us that Spurs have given themselves the opportunity of losing three more semi-finals between now and May. That’s proper Spurs. Happy New Year everyone.

January 2^nd

Matchday begins with pictures of three Spurs players, Lamela, Lo Celso and Reguilon, having Christmas dinner with their families. The club official statement censures them. Reguilon is named as sub. Obviously Spurs’ need for cover on the left is more important than a clear message in a pandemic.

Bless him, Reguilon would otherwise have been alone at Christmas with only a ham from Mourinho for company. I haven’t had a hug from my children since the beginning of March.

I was optimistic after beating AFC. Enjoy the win, and the fact that they barely laid a glove on us despite having all the ball. More so because, like a Spurs shaman I’ve been searching for signs that Mourinho is taking us forward. They come both in results and in the nature and quality of our performances. The players looked motivated, invested in the team and in the manager, who had finally established some order out of sometimes chaotic and frequently directionless displays over many months.

But it turned out to be a case of one step up and two steps back. On top against a Palace side known for containment rather than attack, we fall back and let them back into the game. We concede late against Liverpool too. Allow teams to come back at us and you give them a chance. Plus, our defence is good but not that good. Against Leicester, they let us have space and we do nothing with it. Can’t keep the ball or create sustained passing movements. The problem is, I’ve been writing that since Mourinho took over. After 14 months, it’s legitimate to ask what he’s doing about it.

Spurs play well to beat Leeds 3-0, although it always helps when we get a penalty at 0-0 then the keeper chucks one in, failing to stop Toby’s header at a corner even though it was straight at him. In between, Son tucks away Kane’s early near-post cross with the ease of the top class player he has become. Hojbjerg with the pass before the assist, that skill that Modric perfected, plus the Dane breaks attacks up and fills the gaps between the back four defenders. He makes it easier for every player in the team.

Enjoy the win but it doesn’t answer the questions. Leeds’ tactics suit us. Their full-on bravura style is highly watchable but on a bad day they leave space in midfield and gaps at the back, and we took full advantage.

In the evening, on BBC2, Aretha soars, swoops and the earth moves.

January 3^rd

Sunday but isolating means every day is pretty much the same. I genuinely didn’t realise that the 28^th was a bank holiday until the early afternoon, not that it makes any difference.

January 4^th

Chat with Spurs pals via zoom and Whatsapp. Cheers me up no end.

January 5^th

Spurs have reached the League Cup semi-final by winning only a single game in normal time, hardly glorious progress but here we are. Mourinho has been paid a fortune to win something, and the League Cup is something.

The league cup and I have a complicated, contradictory relationship. I propose its abolition, the least important trophy in a chronically overcrowded fixture calendar, but I want to win it. I detest the way it is talked up, then teams play as close to a reserve team as they can get away with because it symbolises the dominating force in the way football is run currently, money before quality. Ditto the two-legged semi-final, thankfully scrapped this year. Yet it’s a trophy and there to be won.

I hate how winning it immediately becomes unimportant in itself and merely a stepping stone towards another level, whatever that is, but it’s a theory I recognise and espouse, Spurs being the side for whom it may be most significant because we’ve won so little and we know JM is here to win something. Then again, if we win, then people will say it’s meaningless because it’s only the league cup. Also, Mourinho tends to move on so we lose that momentum. I hate myself for being inconsistent. I hate myself for wanting to be there, so much.

Spurs beat Brentford 2-0 with a decent performance, nowhere near as straightforward as the Sky commentators make out. In control for around 60 minutes, we allowed the Bees to, wait for it, come back into it. Their big centre forward Toney targeted Sanchez, sadly now an obvious weak link, and the ball whizzed around the box too often for comfort. Then, N’dombele sets up Son with a pass he made look easy yet it had perfect weight and accuracy, Son smashed it in. Sissoko getting forward and scoring, whatever next. His foot placing to keep Toney a millimetre offside and avoid an embarrassing equaliser was impeccable.  Good win but I’d prefer not to leave it to millimetres on VAR.  

And I still don’t know what Carabao is.

January 6th

There was a piece in the Guardian a while back about why our minds are programmed to not think about our mortality. It stands up if you think about it. We know we’re going to die, but if it’s constantly on our mind, we’d be permanently preoccupied and unable to function. 

I can’t tell you more as I didn’t read to the end because, well, reading about not thinking about death makes you think about death. Yet covid means thoughts of death are inescapable. I’m worrying about Spurs inability to keep possession for any length of time while my wife, who has an autoimmune condition, worries that if she catches it, she might die.

We shield and isolate to be as safe as possible. I can get out to walk the dog in the woods, whereas my wife’s only outing is once a month to Guy’s Hospital for her regular treatment. People not in this position don’t realise the trauma experienced by a couple of million people who live with this feeling every day. Trauma like this causes long-term harm. There’s little recognition of this outside families who experience it.

It’s also convenient for me to forget that I am over 60, overweight and asthmatic.

So we carry on.

January 7^th

I started to read Shots in the Dark by historian David Kynaston, a diary that interweaves the nature of supporting Aldershot Town with current political and economic events. Kynaston’s considerable and justified reputation rests on forensically detailed historical research, especially about post-war Britain. However, as early as page 10 I am compelled to question these credentials as he offhandedly dismisses Spurs failure to win the 2017 title, linked to the Chelsea game.

I can’t match Kynaston’s depth and breadth but I am able to come in off an extremely long run on this pet topic. Much to say, but let’s just leave it with a reminder that Spurs were the only team who bothered to put up a fight, an away point at the Bridge would do (non Spurs always assume we lost) and it was the home draw against West Brom that set us back. Plus, if we’re talking about bottling it, who was top of the league on January 1st 2017? Answers on a postcard, and if that postcard says Arsenal, you are correct.

Still, it’s an absorbing read. He and I are pleased Trump is slipping from the mire into quicksand. Wonder if I can do anything with the concept?

January 10^th

Spurs beat Marine 5-0 and win many friends in the process.

Things that cheered me up this week: Alfie Devine’s’ smile, Staged, and a pic my daughter sent me of my 5-year-old grandson’s class having a Zoom lesson. Their teacher is an angel.

January 11th

Not being able to watch football is a reminder, not that any should be needed, of how much the game means to so many people. Far from being escapism, football, life and society are inseparable. We express ourselves through the profound emotions football generates within us. Being happy or sad, being committed to your club, choosing your friends, all this and more puts us in touch with who we are.

And so football is no escape from our covid world. The Premier League has the nerve to trumpet its value to the nation in troubled times. The show must go on but only to keep the TV money coming in.

I enjoy the games, don’t get me wrong, but not nearly as much as I used to, or will do when we’re back at the Lane. My routine and emotions revolved to a large extent around the fixtures. The game itself becomes a point on an emotional timeline. Process the last game, enjoy the win or anguish over defeat, anticipate the upcoming fixture, heightened emotions and complete attention during the game, then process the game with family and friends, and so it goes on.

Now, it’s all so distant and far away. Anticipation begins about two minutes before kick-off. I celebrate good football and get over-anxious about Spurs defending, that’s thankfully normal, then switch off because no one wants to listen to Jamie Redknapp, and that’s that. I have no shared experience to recall, no ‘where were you when…’, on the sofa like the rest of you.

Numbed by the personal impact of covid and appalled by our leaders’ callous incompetence, nothing satisfies. It’s a dulling down of the emotions. It’s flight not fight. You can’t confront it without being overwhelmed. So numbness brings protection.

Football used to make me feel alive. Now, the isolation of covid football is the very antithesis of everything that draws supporters back year after year, being part of the crowd, the togetherness, friendship and camaraderie. It’s a reminder of what I no longer have.

January 13^th

Spurs 1 Fulham 1. We let a bottom 3 side back into the game after scoring first. It’s not clear to me or I suspect the players what we were trying to do, because we didn’t defend or attack well. Same old problem – can’t keep the ball, can’t sustain any pressure for extended periods. Seldom look confident as we transition from defence to attack. Another set of opponents who find it straightforward to isolate our man on the ball. Mourinho blames the players. Of course he does. The pressure’s on and he reverts to type, a sign that he is perplexed. He must be worried about the way we’re playing.

Our PL run since AFC is a story of missed opportunities and weakness with Leeds the outlier. Winning mentality? The message in every opposition dressing room is keep playing because they’re soft. I don’t like our style, it’s not what Spurs fans expect and it’s dull. But more than that, it’s ineffective. It leaves us vulnerable and it won’t take us where we aspire to be over a season, although it may work in a cup run, a series of one-offs. Keeping the ball means the opposition can’t play, it keeps them on the back foot, it’s the way to create chances. Counter-attack patterns are clearly set and well-coached, the same can’t said for other ways of building from defence. And it’s a waste of our attacking talent.  

January 14^th

Proud to be mocked by some on social media for advocating that children need to be properly fed and the taxpayer should get value for money from profit-making private companies. A raving commie no doubt but Never Red. More love and compassion, that’s what we need.